A recent spate of celebrities doing stupid things in cars begs the question of where they rank in the lexicon of near cartastrophes by celebrities
Over the past few weeks we have again been inundated with famous people doing things in cars that we regular folk cannot understand. Let’s take a look at some of these and then rank them in comparison to the all-time winner. No deaths or serious injury stories here. There is nothing humorous about that type of news and sadly those stories are all too common so therefore not news by definition. Here are some recent stories about things that might have ended badly, but luckily didn’t, and some classics to add perspective.
Flo Rida Too Many Road Sodas
As was recently reported here in Torque News, the Hip Hop star Flo-Rida recent had a run in with the law while driving a chrome Bugatti Veyron. No sleepers for this guy, just “Hey look at me I’m (allegedly) hammered!” Here are two numbers to consider. 1.7 and 0.185. On is the cost in millions of the machine being driven at the time of arrest and the other is the blood alcohol level according to police. As cartastrophes go this one is a near miss.
Bieber Breaks the Sound Barrier
Maybe Flo Rida and Justin Bieber go to the same body shop? The Biebster was recently clocked according to police driving 80mph in his electric super toy Fisker Karma. No ordinary Karma, again this one screams “Here I am!” with its mirror image chrome paint. According to reports the Biebster was fleeing the paparazzi. Didn’t Lady Di and Doddy teach us any lessons? 80 in a Karma is like 20 in a Corolla, so let’s classify this one as pretty tame.
Kerry Kennedy, Patches Silly Insomniac Politicos
No we are not going to mention a certain ex-senator and his Delmont 88. Woops. Close call. We do think it is fair to mention in this list Patches Kennedy and his late night Ambien inspired Mustang convertible crash. This is the ultimate “Do you know who I am?” cartastrophe. If memory serves, Patches told police at the scene he was on his way to vote in the House of Representatives. Does that make it better or worse? Again, under "can we not learn anything from past mistakes?", another Kennedy was busted recently for failing a field sobriety test according to police. This one was much closer to a cartastrophe since an 18 wheeler was involved. Again the Ambien excuse. Zolpidem, the generic name for Ambien, comes with some pretty stern warnings on the label and prescription insert. So again we have to ask ourselves, since you knew it was a problem, is it better or worse that you use the excuse "I was on a drug while driving?"
Brittany Gives Us All Perspective
Oh Brittany, we here at Torque News won’t hold it against you even though the media photographed you with a toddler on your lap while driving an SUV. As cartastropies go this one ranks high. Do you know what the last thing to go through your mind is if you have an airbag go off with a toddler on your lap? The toddler.
O.J. Simpson helped us all coin the phrase “Low speed chase.” Before the juice went on the loose chases were always high speed. That was sort of the point. Things that happened in cars at slow speed were called either traffic or parades. As cartastrophes go we are going to give this one the gold. Not because the crash could have happened at such a slow speed, but because this whole event may have emboldened people to do bad things in general. Let’s not forget that “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.” O.J. was found not guilty.
Video courtesy of Youtube.com and jujumediazone
Picture courtesy of Youtube.com and Clevvermusic